


should I run a million miles (away from every memory of you?)

by AngelWithAStory



Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, canon-divergent probably, theobald talking through his feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24652729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelWithAStory/pseuds/AngelWithAStory
Summary: When the (arguably) worst day of Theobald's life finally fades to night, he can finally let himself mourn. Let himself remember.Mild spoilers for episode 8
Relationships: Theobald Gumbar & Ruby Rocks, implied theobald/lapin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 42





	should I run a million miles (away from every memory of you?)

**Author's Note:**

> title are from The Sailor Song by Autoheart 
> 
> this had been sat in my google docs for two weeks, so i figured it was time to brush up and publish it  
> also this _technically_ exists within the same headcanon-universe as my other work (blood and sugar) bc there are a lot of ideas in here that i really wanted to put in that fic and never managed to, so think of this as a spiritual sequel

The night around them felt calm and oppressive, and the storm was almost far away enough to be a bad memory. 

Theo sat on the cheesewood of the crow’s nest, wordless and still against the night. He kept most of his gaze on the world around them, vigilant for anything (anything _else_ ) that wanted to kill them. 

The only other soul awake was Annabelle, dutifully steering the ship towards the Dairy Islands and their homes. Neither of them had exchanged a word, not even when Theo emerged from the depths of the ship and climbed up to the crow’s nest when he should have been resting with the other Candians. They weren’t friends (Theo’s lack of tact made sure of that more than enough times) but there was an understanding between them - they both had people they cared about on this boat, and the best way to survive was to stick together until they were on safer shores. 

That was enough for Theo, and it seemed to be enough for Annabelle too.

The cheesewood beside Theo creaked, and only the flash of red in the corner of his eye stopped him from lashing out at the newcomer. (Theo would rarely admit to the sigh of relief he let out when Ruby settled beside him, but he couldn’t stop himself from pulling her a little further away from the edge). 

Silently, Ruby adjusted the cloak that had been draped across her shoulders (her father’s cloak, heavy and dense, a symbol of a monarchy that now lay in tatters). A large part of Theo still wished Ruby had just let him take this watch alone, had let him _be_ alone in the middle of the night so he could do his job and _protect_ them. 

He could feel her gaze on him as heavy as a weight around his neck. 

The air was thick with silence, and childishly, Theo didn’t want to break it. 

Ruby had no such worry.

“Hey, Theobald?” She asked, her voice creeping through the night with barely a footprint. 

Theo stilled. Ruby continued. 

“Do you miss him?” 

“You should be asleep, it’s late-”

“Don’t do this,” Ruby said, and it wasn’t a plea, but it also wasn’t a command. She sounded so much like-.... “Not after today. _Please_.”

The silence between them was painful now. _Damnit_ , when did the children grow up? 

“I miss him,” Ruby said. She had pulled her knees up close to her chest and rested her cheek on them, keeping her gaze on Theo. 

“I miss him too,” Theo admitted, staring out over the ocean. He rarely spent any time at sea, even during the Ravening War, so the view was still a novelty to him. 

“Do you ever stop missing someone? When they die?” 

Theo _really_ wished Ruby had just fallen asleep. 

“No.” He said, finally dragging his gaze to meet hers. Theo wondered, distantly, if he looked as tired as he felt. If Ruby could see the ghosts that haunted him. “You never stop missing them, in one way or another. It just gets easier to talk about them.”

“Oh,” Ruby said, moving her head to rest her chin on her knees. She looked so _young_. She was only eighteen, how could the world be this cruel already? Theo remembered when he came of age, in a world broiling with an incoming war and even then he was spared this _grief_. 

A breeze brushed over the two of them and Ruby pulled the cloak around her tighter. Theo’s clothes under his armour was still a little damp where the warmth couldn’t reach as well, and he knew he should probably have removed his armour to clean it. (Not now, not when they were still in danger, not now they weren’t safe-)

“Were you and Lapin close?”

Ruby’s words cut through Theo’s thoughts, and he almost sighed with relief as the spiral abruptly petered out. It took a few seconds for Theo to decide how to answer. 

“Maybe at one point,” Theo said, as honestly as he felt he could. “If we were, it wasn’t for a long time.”

How could he put into words everything that had happened between them? How could he talk about all the small, subtle moments between them? How he hadn’t stopped thinking about Lapin’s hand on the small of his back and how he knew they’d lost him the moment he felt the magic of the Sugar Plum Fairy leave him. 

Would Ruby even understand? The twins were so young, they’d grown up thinking about them in one way, and these last few days had shattered that perception. How much more could their worldview bend? How much more could it break?

“Did you know him?” Ruby asked. “Like, as a person?” 

“Not _super_ well. The guy was pretty hard to read,” Theo admitted, drawing a laugh out of the former Princess at his candour, “I did work with the guy for a long time, you learn things whether you mean to or not.” 

“Can you tell me something about him?” Ruby asked. 

“Like what?” 

“I don’t know... Something personal. Something you wished he talked about more.” Ruby’s voice had grown hoarse with the effort to keep her voice down. 

Theo searched his memories for something he could tell her. Some rare and precious thing that he was willing to give away forever.

“I know... He grew up in North Candia,” Theo said, watching the look on Ruby’s face turn to wonder as he spoke, “His mother was a Dairy Islander, and he never mentioned his father but I’m pretty sure he was Candian too.”

Ruby was quiet, digesting the tidbit. Theo thought he might feel _emptier_ sharing what precious knowledge he had of Lapin, but... Watching Ruby hold that small, inconsequential detail close made him want to wake all the children and tell them every story he knew from before their memories. 

“Tell me something else. Please,” 

“He chose his name when he joined the Church,” 

“What was it before?” 

“I never asked,” Theo admitted, almost smiling now as he searched his memories. 

“What was he like when he wasn’t boring?” Ruby asked, almost instantly screwing up her face with regret at speaking ill of dead. But Theo laughed, just a little, and Ruby relaxed again. 

“He’s always been boring, even when he first got to the castle.” Theo admitted, “but when he wasn’t rattling on about politics or history, he was fun to argue with.” 

“I always thought you hated Lapin. It used to be fun to make you guys mad at each other.” Ruby admitted, some long-dormant childhood secret finally surfacing. She was looking out over the ocean again. 

“It used to be fun to be mad at him,” Theo said. “I may have hated that rabbit sometimes but... There _were_ some good times.” 

“Can- Can you tell me about one of them?” Ruby asked. 

Theo thought for a long moment, before the right memory fell into his grasp. He smiled.

Then he began to tell the story.

**Author's Note:**

> CHOCOLATE is a DAIRY product, fight me brennan
> 
> I'm gothic-cepho on Tumblr <3


End file.
